I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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