why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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