I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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