You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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