We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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