this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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