from now on my penis is your penis
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
