I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
