Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
