Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
