Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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