I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
