I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
