One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
