Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Two words: blizzard sex
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
