I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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