Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
