i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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