Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
