i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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