Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
