just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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