Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
