he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
