I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
