oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Come share oat with me in your robe
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize