He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
