I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
