Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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