PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
