Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
