I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
