Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
