help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
