Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
