took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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