yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
