She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize