May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
