Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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