My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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