Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
