i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
