Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
