Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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