Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
