i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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