covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
