I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
