I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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