My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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