Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
