why didn't you poke me back
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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