Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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