Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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