So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
