Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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