Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
