I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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