He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
