I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
