he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
