so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
