I think my fart just growled at me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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