I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize