Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's blow job season.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
