This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
