you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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