I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
