the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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