Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
