I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
