I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
