seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
