I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
