He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
