I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
