I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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