I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
