his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
