forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
