Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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