based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
