believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize