i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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