Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
