I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
