Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize