trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
