I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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