It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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