Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
