I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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