What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
