this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
