just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
