Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
