it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
