dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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