And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
