Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
vagina is talking i cant
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
