I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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